If I was Nicholas Cage

First of all, I'd stop talking like everything I say is so intense, when it's not. I would also probably talk a little bit louder.

Next, I would stop drinking. Please don't get me wrong, I love drinking. I am not going to stop drinking. But if I was Nick Cage, I definitely would.

Then, I would stop bleeding so much money right out of my butt. What the heck is he thinking? He has to have the worst money management problems in the entire world. How much money does he need to stay in the black? Srsly.

Finally, I would call up John Travolta and ask him if he thinks there is any real possibility of them swapping faces.

That's about it.